Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I Hate The Club

I really don't want to "go here" with my post this morning, but I can't.  I can't not go.

It was almost 7 pm, I was sitting at the desk at work, when the news popped up on my phone. 

One of my college friends had just lost her father.  Her father, one of the most outgoing, funny, kind, and warmhearted people I can ever remember meeting.

I was, at the moment I got the text, having a conversation with my coworker, loudly and through a doorway.  I don't remember stopping talking - but I must have, and I can only remember seeing stars and feeling like I was going to faint.

Immediately, all the old thoughts came rushing back from November 2007, when my mom died.  I know that, generally, nothing really felt "real" for about a month after that. 

Completely irrationally, I felt like my friends all turned their eyes, from hundreds of miles away, on me.  I suddenly feel like the expert member of the Dead Parents Club, which is totally irrational.  Nor has anyone asked me anything.  It just feels that way.

I know that we can't live forever.  And that people in my friends' lives probably pass away every day and I'm not even aware of it. 

Damnit, it sucks.  I kept tossing and turning all night and trying to hold back the ugly cry, because the ugly cry makes my nose stuffy and I really needed the sleep. 

I remember, back when my mom died, many of my college friends showed up to the funeral.  A couple of my professors did as well, which was a big deal since I lived about 2 hours away from campus.

I was really shocked. 

The funeral will probably be held in a town about 9 hours away by car.  And a huge part of me wants to get my butt in the car and drive.  Because she's in the club.  And it sucks.

I really wish I had opened my eyes this morning and still been the only member of the club.

7 Classy Comments:

Lauren said...

Oh, friend, so so sorry about her loss. I know all too well this club as we lost our dad February of last year to brain cancer! This club really really sucks! Please know I'm praying for your friend and you as I know this is bringing up a lot of hard memories! XO

mangovino said...

Ugh. So sorry for your friend! I know I take my parents for granted sometimes - things like this make me stop and think...and want to call them. Hugs to both of you!

Meg @ write meg! said...

So sorry to hear this news, and wishing I could give you a big ol' hug.

Jessica @ Wanting Adventure said...

I hate the club, too. It's just awful that children have to lose their parents, even though we know that we aren't all immortal. We have come to the conclusion that it just sucks no matter when it is. I'm sorry for her loss.

Jeanie said...

My condolences to your friend (and you.) I lost my mother unexpectedly almost 7 years ago. It's still fresher in my mind than I wish it was.

Kiki said...

The club DOES suck, my sweet daddy has been gone for 8 years and the pain of losing him is just as fresh as if it was yesterday-somedays. Other days remembering him is funny and makes me happy to know that he loved me so much and I have that to hang onto for as long as I live. No one can ever take that love or those sweet memories away.
Thinking of you and your sweet friend and wishing you both peace and comfort. XO

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I am so sorry for your friend. I can't even imagine the pain one in the club must feel. Hugs to you both.

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