Sometimes it's hard to get any words out of my brain when I open this blog. Either I can't think of anything to say... or I start to think of things that I don't want to say.
Lately, I've been happy. Smiling for no reason, wearing my sparkly-fancy earrings for no reason, nothing-can-get-me-down happy.
Of course, it's easy to see that puppy love is generally responsible for this happiness. The feeling that "enough time" together is never-ever enough and that I could spend 24/7 and still be wanting more... yeah, I'd say that sounds about right.
But then part of me feels that I'm just a little too focused on the happy. That I'm so happy happy happy all the time because I'm trying to drown out the sad.
Next Friday, my mom will have been gone for 4 years. Four years. I don't even understand how that can possibly be right.
I had a dream the other night that she was looking for me. Or I was looking for her, I can't remember. It was SO real that I had a hard time adjusting to reality when I woke up. Which is extremely unlike me, I'm not much of a dreamer to begin with.
I guess what I'm trying to say is.... sometimes it's hard to write just anything here when all I really want to say is...
I miss her.
{And even worse, in my head... is that I don't have enough pictures of the two of us together. Every time I go looking for a "new one"... there aren't any.}
So do I keep focusing on the happy-happy-happy me, the one that can't wait to get out of bed in the morning? Because sometimes I'm a little upset that it's drowning out all my sads.
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