Friday, November 4, 2011

Four.

In the big scheme of life, four years is not a long time.  Considering the 21 years prior to the past four, this time is just a drop in the bucket.
Only it's not. 

Sometimes I think that time speeds up right after everything changes. 

I can remember exactly everything about that Sunday four years ago.  I can remember what she was wearing, what I was doing that morning, what I had done the day before - absolutely everything.

It all feels so fresh that I can't believe how much time has passed.


There are times that it doesn't feel so fresh.  That I feel healed and together and composed.  That a customer at work can make a reference to my mom (not knowing the situation) and I feel totally fine.

And then there are other times that it feels anything but OK.  When everything feels personal.  When any potential situation feels like a perfect time to miss her.

Four years... it feels like 4 minutes.  I miss her every day.

25 Classy Comments:

Courtney said...

Thinking of you girly. Your mom would be proud of you and would love MR RH. :)

(Like how I act like I knew her? lol)

Jo-Lynne {Musings of a Housewife} said...

I can't imagine how hard it must be to go on without your mom. (((hugs)))

Audrey1119 said...

This is hard to read because exactly four years ago I was *this* close to losing my Mum. For some time I really thought that was it.

I know I don't really know you but can at least to some extent understand your pain. *hugs*

Sweet Simplicity said...

Praying for you today, sweet girl!

Lauren said...

Thinking of you today, sweet friend!

tara said...

Lots of virtual hugs to you today! <3

Gwen said...

Sending you my prayers. I know she is looking down on you with pride every day!

Michelle P said...

I'm sorry! I lost my dad over 3 years ago, and it's hard.

Tess said...

This is an incredibly touching and hard to read post. I really don't know how you do this.....you are going to be such an amazing mom because of how amazing your mom sounds like she was.

Daisy said...

Hugs. Thinking of you.

Caitlin said...

Thinking of you <3

Anonymous said...

Hi there,

I occassionally read your blog and absolutely love it! I don't have a blog myself (wish I did!) but love reading yours.

I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer 4 years ago in Oct when I was 21. You're right - 4 years feel so short and yet so long all at the same time. Some days I have happy days and some days I just wish she were around.

I know a lot of people probably say this to you, but she would be so proud of you - no matter what you're doing! Hang onto the memories.

Feel free to email me anytime. holmes.sarah@hotmail.com

Sarah

Elizabeth said...

Awww hun. Sending you big bear hugs today!!!

XOXO

Jennifer said...

sorry for your loss. you will see her again...

Whitney said...

Sarah, she is BEAUTIFUL. You look just like her. You're in my thoughts today.

etta said...

She may not be here physically, but she's always with you. She's in your heart and in your head. She's probably the one who encourages you to fill up your online shopping carts. :)

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

*hug* I still miss my dad every single day. I can't imagine it gets any easier.

Jane said...

Lots of hugs and happy thoughts your way today. :)

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I am so sorry you ever had to go through that. thinking of you...

All Things Cherish said...

Sending a hug your way and thinking of you today. You're in my prayers.

Legally Fabulous said...

hugs!

Wearing Mascara said...

Much love to you.

Andhari said...

Saw this post on my reader and just simply out of words. I'm very sorry Sarah :( pray for her..

Anonymous said...

This post brought me to tears. I remember reading your blog posts about your mom and feeling so sad. That was when my dad was alive and thought he would be for a long time. He suddenly died of a heart attack last new years days. I still read these posts and they make me sad, but in a more real way.

Rachel Emmilee said...

I know exactly what you mean. I often feel healed and composed, other times I feel totally broken. I often get angry that all this time has passed, and feel guilty that I haven't dedicated more of my time remembering her. Other times, I have to force myself to seperate from the memories so I can move on... It's really tough, very unfair, and I'll never understand why it had to happen.

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