Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wedding Wednesday

Soo.... wedding things are happening around here.  Kinda-sorta.  I've got the ball rolling with the church - unfortunately, the church moves at the speed of extremely-slow-things.  For serious.

So I expect to hear back from the church coordinator in 2-3 days - at which point Mr. RH and I have to meet up with a priest, which will probably take a couple weeks to coordinate.

Needless to say, I'm not grumpy about how slow that process is AT ALL. 

To add insult to injury, Mr. RH has the flu.  And now I am living in constant fear of The Vomit myself.

So, since I have come to a standstill with getting the date set up (and can't book reception or photographer until after I get the church), I've really let the whole wedding process sink in. 

And it's been hitting me harder and harder how much I miss my mom.

And I'm not really sure WHY, exactly.  It could be because she knows everyone who is anyone at church and could surely help get the process rolling.  It could be because she was a bit of a photography expert and could probably find me the best photographer within a reasonable budget (as opposed to the unreasonable photography budget I have in my head).

It could be because it hit me yesterday that possibly no one in my family would want to throw me a wedding shower.  That my mom has multiple sisters and I have a dozen aunts but that maybe it's just too painful for them all without her there.

And that's where it really gets me.  I wish just for once I had an overbearing mom to criticize any and all thoughts I have related to the wedding.  That she could bitch and moan about how she doesn't approve of the wedding dress. 

It's hitting me over the head on Pinterest lately.  The multi-generational wedding photos.  Pictures of both sets of parents with the bride and groom.  Pictures with mothers' and grandmothers' wedding bands. 

And I know it's just me feeling self-conscious and overwhelmed, but I just wish she were here to tell me that everything's going to be fine, that I'm being over-dramatic, and to stop worrying about it already. 

Before we were engaged, I told Mr. RH multiple times that I was dreading planning a wedding without my mom.  That the thought of having to go through it without her made me want to elope and skip the whole thing.  At the time, I was being dramatic and just trying to steel myself... I just didn't know how much it would actually hurt. 


And the silly thing is... I am surrounded by incredible friends, great coworkers, the whole nine yards.  I am certainly not the saddest girl to plan a wedding.  It just feels that way when I'm feeling sorry for myself.  And I doubt this will be the last thing I have to say on the topic. 

18 Classy Comments:

Booked. said...

Hi, I'm Madelyn. I've been reading your blog for awhile but I've never commented. Just wanted to say, DON'T feel silly about how much it hurts to do this without your mom. My dad died this past December 10th. I am getting married in about a month..October 20th. It has been basically torture planning this without him. He would have had SO much input about stuff like music and readings and yes, photographers/photography. It's been really painful doing it without him, and the closer this day gets, the more I want to just be put to sleep for the ceremony, when he won't be walking me down the aisle. So...not to be such a downer....I just wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone! Your post brought tears to my eyes because I know just how hard it is.

Em said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. I know it hurts that she isn't physically here with you to plan your wedding but I am sure she is watching everything. Your wedding will be awesome because of all the things you learned from her. Keep your head up! :)

Rachel Emmilee said...

My sister died a couple of years ago when she was 18, my father-in-law just a few months later. It was very hard going through the Wedding planning process without them, especially my sister. She loved my hubby so much, and her and I bonded over Wedding planning long before I even knew I'd marry him! I knew on the Wedding day that she was a big part of it, she brought me a rainbow, sunshine and happiness that beamed off me. You'll feel her presence and you'll be happy. Know that she'd be proud of you and carry on with planning, having fun with it and keeping your head held high. There are many ways you can incorperate her memory into your day, but I'm sure you've seen those ideas on Pinterest! :)

Kelly B. said...

ugh, I had this huge thing written and blogger crapped out. Let me try again.

My mom has M.S., and has since she was my age... so she's still alive, but in a wheelchair, and can't really use her hands anymore...and it's affected her cognitively as well. We were never SUPER close growing up, I was always more of a daddy's girl, but it's surprised me (and your post brought it out more) that I'm more hurt than I thought I'd be about the typical mother-daughter-wedding-process that I feel like I am missing out on. For logistical reasons, she hasn't been a part of much of any of the planning (I've shown her photos), nor does she have any clue what that relationship is supposed to look like.. or so I think.

This is all to say, on a much smaller level- I feel you. It sneaks up on you.

stephanie said...

I am so very sorry. My mother-in-law passed away a year ago, and since then I've had a baby and even though it wasn't MY mom who was gone, it hurt. It sucked knowing my daughter would never know her grandma... I know it's not the same thing, but I feel you on a different level. It's such a hard road and it stinks you're walking it right now. I wish there was more I could say... But I know sometimes an I'm sorry goes a long way so I'll leave it at that.

Jennie said...

Thinking about you today!! Your post made me very teary! I bet she is thinking to herself that it's all gonna be JUST fine!

Samantha said...

Just wanted to tell you that I'm praying for you through this process.

In This Wonderful Life said...

thinking of you, friend! Your momma would want you to be planning your fairytale wedding, I just know it! hang in there! xoxo

angsamp said...

Oh honey this post is so heartfelt... Your mom would be so happy for you and want you to have the best wedding ever...and she would want your aunts and everyone to be just as happy and share this with you, which I think and hope they will. Have you looked into special ways of honoring your mom on your wedding day? Hugs xoxoxo.

Sara said...

It hurts because she is your mother. Regardless of if she knew anything about weddings, or food or dresses, she's your mom and nobody else can be her. talk about this with the priest who will be presiding. And, if you get a sponsor couple. And, be forward with your aunts if that's not too uncomfortable. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Preppy Girl Meets World said...

This post made me tear up a little.

I agree with the poster who said that your mom would want you to plan your dream wedding. Regardless of this, I know it can't be easy. Take all the time you need and surround yourself with the ones you love and things that make you happy.

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

I was so excited for you when I heard about the engagement and didn't stop to think how tough it would be for you to plan this without your mom. Yes you have friends and other family members (and I'm SURE someone will throw you a shower!) but I didn't stop to think about how much this would make you miss your mom.

There are some beautiful ways to remember loved ones at weddings, but no matter what you do, she will be there that day. And she'll be smiling down no matter the church decisions, the flower colors, or the photographer issues. She'll be there with you.

Lindsey said...

Thinking about you!! You are amazing and strong and I know that you will plan a beautiful wedding that will make your Mom so proud!!!

The Ratpack said...

oh Sarah! This totally made me tear up. I'm praying for you as you go through this process. You are such a thoughful, sweet, strong, and beautiful girl. Your mom would be so proud.

tara said...

after reading this post, i just want to give you a hug. my hubby's dad passed away years ago, before i even knew my hubs, but i know how hard it was on him not to have his dad around for our wedding and i can only imagine how hard it must be for you. keep your head up, girl! xo

Mindy said...

It's natural for wedding planning to start out slowly! Take it easy for now until the madness starts. ;)

I am so so sorry you are hurting. I understand because Ryan and I just got married - and there were so many times during the planning that I missed my Dad so much. And the day of - it just wasn't the same without him there. But we did things to honor him and you should do the same for your Mom. She's watching over you and wants you to enjoy this time.

Your feelings are totally valid. Allow yourself to be sad sometimes (even though it's not fun).

You're a strong lady!

Deals, Steals and Heels said...

my only aunt died 6 weeks before my wedding, and it was DEFINITELY hard. from moving a family shower a few weeks later because it was planned for the week after she passed away, to bursting into tears AT that shower when someone gave me a serving dish that had been hers, to my mom having a momentary breakdown on my wedding day...it's ALWAYS hard, and there will be things you'll always wish could be different...but you'll be marrying an amazing man, and the amazing things about the whole experience will outweigh the bad =)

Erin O. said...

You are living what I'm dreading. My mom died this past May and I'm in a serious relationship moving toward engagement/marriage. Everything you have written has gone through my head at least once anytime my guy and I discuss the future. I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm so very sorry. I really do hope that it is everything you have dreamt of despite the circumstances.

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