So, you all know the story of Rihanna and Jay-Z, right? Not Chris Brown, Jay-Z.
Let me enlighten you.
Eight years ago, Rihanna was just a 16-year-old with a demo tape when Jay-Z came across her music. Rumor has it, he loved her so much that she auditioned soon after.... and she was signed and a part of Def Jam records ever since.
Fast forward to 2009. The night before the Grammys, Chris Brown violently attacked Rihanna. He slammed her head into the car door, shook her until she lost consciousness, and left her broken and bleeding.
Jay-Z finds out about this and he is livid. In the days following the attack, Rihanna allegedly sought refuge and advice with her mentor, Jay-Z. Jay-Z is furious and vows never to forgive Chris Brown.
Rihanna pulls herself back together, pushes her career higher than before... and then proceeds to be rumored to be cavorting with Chris Brown again.
Jay-Z is, allegedly, disappointed and upset. He feels strongly that Rihanna should be watching out for herself - and should have NEVER forgiven Chris Brown.
Ok, did you follow that? Good.
So I have a friend. The best friend, really. I have loved her for as long as I can remember. I can literally barely remember the number of men she has brought into our lives over the years. But men can come and go - I will remain constant.
I humor her by accepting these men into my life, although I secretly harbor the notion that she could benefit from talk therapy. I feel that the reason she allows so many unsuitable men into her life is that because she is deeply unhappy within herself.
I have shared this with her and she seems to agree in some ways... but the pattern continues.
She meets a guy (can't say man, it wouldn't be appropriate), falls fast and hard, and he uses her, then discards her like yesterday's newspaper.
Each time, it chips away at MY own heart. I can't imagine how it must feel to be her, but, even as a friend, it stings.
This time last summer, as I was falling in love with Mr. RH, she met a guy. Let's call him Carleton.
Carleton is, for a lot of reasons, an appealing catch. He's attractive, has a very macho-manly job that is steady, and did I mention he's attractive? Tan, white teeth, fit body.
I remember the only time Mr. RH met Carleton. He remarked, after the fact, that the guy was certainly nice enough.
Nice enough. Doesn't cut it.
Carleton is a flawed person. He carried a lot of baggage from previous relationships. Said he couldn't do this or think that or be this way because of his Ex. Ok, fine.
My friend.... she fell fast and hard. Imagined their babies. Planned out their future, their perfect life together.
I wanted it to be true. Wanted it more for her than I wanted it for myself... which, as you know, is A LOT.
The thing is.... Carleton sucks. He can't say I love you. Although he CAN reply with a "me too" if she says it first.
He ALLOWS my friend into his life. As in, "oh, I have 2 hours before I have to be doing something, I can fit you in there"... as opposed to setting aside his own personal time to fit her in, you know, because he is excited about her and wants to see her.
He treats her as an afterthought. She dotes on him, obsesses over him, and treats him like a damn king. She tries to make herself a part of his life... by tidying up his house or inserting herself in some other way... but I suspect he barely notices.
In September(ish, I can't remember exactly when), Carleton broke my friend's heart. She called me around midnight and told me everything. Was hysterically sobbing on the phone. I literally thought something had happened to one of her parents.
I offered to come to her, but I didn't follow through. I feel like a bitch for that now.
Of course, they got back together. Carleton ONLY releases nuggets of affection when it can get him what he wants... and boy is he SKILLED at getting what he wants.
They've gotten back together and broken up twice since then, I believe. After one of the reconciliations, she told me that she enjoys the sex too much to leave him.
I would bet all my future orgasms that the sex is NOT worth the emotional trauma, but that's just me.
During the Vera Bradley sale in May, she told me that she was done with him. Capital D. I was thrilled, relieved, can't even describe the feelings. Ecstatic.
I think that breakup lasted less than a month (and she had dates with a kind, handsome man in between breakup and reconciliation).
Now they're back together. How did I find out?
A text. "You guys are going to be really mad at me...."
My response? "I can't possibly hate you as much as you hate yourself right now."
I don't know what to do. My heart is in tatters. Since then, I have not spoken or communicated with my friend. Our group of 4 BFFs is suddenly a group of 3.
The 3 of us are keenly aware of the loss. I don't know what to do. One friend says to stop supporting her, reasoning that we can't care for her enough to make up for her own carelessness with her heart. The other friend maintains that cutting her out only makes us like him. The fucking bastard.
My friend seems happy. She has a new roommate, bible study friends, and work friends filling up her time. I used to have 4 limbs, each one representing one of my BFF's... and now I've lost an arm.
The thing is, I'm not even sure she notices we're gone. She has other friends and family to soak up her time. Plenty of fun in the sun without us.
What should I do? Reach out to her and let her know I support her, even in the midst of her continually poor decision-making? Drop the whole thing and pretend it never happened? (It seems that it may be too late for that). Wait for her heart to get smashed again? (I'm not sure I would even find out about it, at this point.)
She's Rihanna, I'm Jay-Z, and I have no freaking clue what to do anymore. My heart is broken.
What should I do?