Thursday, December 15, 2011

More to Lose

It has hit me lately, how much I've gained.  How much my life has changed in the past six months.  Seven months ago, life was all about me.  I wandered around wasting my money on myself and worrying about me.

Six months later, much is the same - and much is different.  I'm still wasting my money, still worrying about myself.  But there's this other person - walking and living and breathing and independent from myself - who has so much of my heart.  (Side note: Does it sound like I'm writing a post about my child?  Cause as I'm typing it - it totally sounds like it.)

Lately, I've been feeling so overwhelmed about life.  About how many things I want to do during this festive time of year.  There are cookies to be baked, movies to be watched, presents to be purchased, family to be visited, and on and on and on.

And on and on.

And no matter how much effort I put into getting it all done - it's not getting done.  I feel like I am one step behind no matter what I do.

I know it's just this time of year - but does anybody else feel like they're failing?  Like they're drowning in a mountain of to-dos?

My life is so much fuller now - so much more complete.  I feel like everything I've ever wanted is within reach.... but then, on the flip side, I'm failing more now than I ever was before.

I know that it's primarily work and stress and the time-crunch of Christmas... but holy crap, this December is kicking my ass.  And for the first time in a long time - I want more than anything NOT to let it.  And it's really freaking hard.

9 Classy Comments:

Susan said...

Ah, you are being too hard on yourself. Trying to make everything perfect. Life is NOT perfect!! Enjoy the moments... breath in breath out. No one will get mad if you don't do what you think is "everything" during the holidays. Enjoy your time with Mr. RH and your family, that is what is most important. Let life flow and you will be fine!

Carrie said...

I have felt exactly the same way this year. Too much to do, and not enough time to do it all. Sad ... because December has always been my favorite month, but it has started to make me an anxious mess! Not good.

I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I am just not going to be able to make every party, bake the list of goodies I want to, or visit all those unique festivals that I try to hit around the holidays.

So instead I'm trying to really focus on what I know I can reasonably make time for with those I love the most!

Anonymous said...

I'm right there with ya. This season is speeding by and I feel like it will be over before I get a chance to watch the christmas movies, make the cookies and really enjoy the season. I feel like all I do is worry about shopping and trying to get done as much as possible, all while the season is slipping away.
Hang in there. Cherish the moments you can share with RH and family. Enjoy the moments when you can stop for a few minutes and remember what this time of year is really about.....that's on my to-do list anyway ;-)

Sincerely Sara Cate said...

Make sure to take time to do things you love - outside of the holiday tasks. And always remember what the holidays are truly truly about.

Meg said...

Agree with everyone above -- don't be too hard on yourself! Everyone -- and I do mean everyone -- freaks out a little in the weeks and days leading up to Christmas.

Despite the fact that I started shopping in November, I'm still realizing little things I forgot to do or order, etc. Every time I say, "Okay, that's it -- no more trips to Target/the mall," there's something else I need.

Just try to soak up the moment and realize that everything will still be wonderful and beautiful -- even if you don't get to do it all! Like Carrie said above, I've had to make peace with the fact that I'm just one person. Choose what's most important to you and try to enjoy this time. :)

etta said...

My house is a wreck. No matter how many times I tell myself I'm going to clean it, I end up snuggling with my baby instead. And you know what? I'm okay with that. You can't be everywhere and everything and sometimes you just have to accept it.

Allison said...

You have a lot on your plate right now. A therapist once told me (am I really referring to a therapist online) that I should be ok with being less than perfect. You're such a beautiful girl and have such high expectations for yourself. Allow yourself to be less than perfect...you're good enough just the way you are!

Jeanie said...

This is always a stressful time of year, but, miraculously, everything always seems to get done. I've been stressed beyond belief, but I think things are finally starting to come together. I find it helps to keep a "to do" list. There's such a sense of accomplishment when you're able to cross something off.

Andie said...

Hugs! I know what you mean- I keep wanting to go all out to make Andrew's first Christmas super special and all that... and I'm realizing- he'll never remember it! I am putting way too much pressure on myself. Just enjoy your time with family and friends because that is WAY more valuable than anything material thing you can buy them. :)

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