Monday, September 12, 2011

Thirty

Today, September 12, 2011, would have been my parents thirtieth wedding anniversary.

I have been kind of all over the place with this blog lately.  Meaning, of course, that I have been everywhere but here. Considering it's the 12th of the month and this is my first post... that's pretty bad, eh?

I always get a little somber this time of year... I'm not sure if it's the fact that things are getting more intense at work (it's Christmas season in the retail world!) or the fact that back-to-school time feels like the time for new beginnings, or the fact that there are a lot of tough anniversaries/celebrations coming up... but I find my emotions all over the map in no sort of predictable pattern.

Last night, I got out of a work meeting late so I knew that I wouldn't see my dad before bed... so I popped over to see Mr. RH.  We were chatting while he put away laundry and all of a sudden I was absolutely sobbing because today is my parents 30th anniversary.

Of course, Mr. RH was completely kind and supportive and told me over and over that it's ok to cry in front of him because he knows I rarely break down for anybody else.

Which in turn made me happy and sad and kept me crying all over again.



Anyway, my point in writing this post was to ask... what the heck would YOU say to your dad today?  If you were in my shoes, that is.  It sucks that I won't even see him today and I only saw him for maybe 15 minutes yesterday. 

For a person that "writes" (using the loose definition, of course) on the internet for fun, I'm surprisingly short on words that I want to say to him.  I think I'll just leave a note letting him know I love him and I'll see him tomorrow.

--------------

You know, no matter how long it's been since my mom's death - and no matter how much I think I've healed and "moved on" and grown up since then... it just sucks.  I've been crying since I started this post (well over an hour ago, I'm pretty sure) and I know the words are not down on this page like I want them to be. 

My life right now is pretty sweet.  I've got so many amazing things and feel so damn lucky 99% of the time. That other 1% though... is a real bitch.

--------------

Dear Mom,
I'm sorry I used the word bitch in a post about your wedding anniversary.  I know, you really did raise me better than that.  I blame work for giving me such a potty mouth.
xo,
Sarah

17 Classy Comments:

etta said...

What an adorable picture of your parents. :) I think the note to your dad is a good idea. You know he'll be sad today and having you tell him how much you love him will really help. Maybe tomorrow you can cook him something really delicious and fattening. :)

Funny Guy and His Wife said...

I think a note is a great idea. A handwritten sentiment always warms the heart.

the girl in the red shoes said...

Praying for you today Sarah. I think that just letting your dad know how much you love him is a great idea. He's both dad and mom now so I'm sure this day (and every day, for that matter) is heavy on his heart. Hugs to you and your family.

Missy said...

Sending hugs your way. My dad passed away 23 years ago. His memorable days still bring back a flood of emotions. I think the note is a great idea!

In this wonderful life... said...

Such beautiful parents and a beautiful family. I know your dad feels how big your heart is...and your mom, too! Thinking of you! xoxo

Michelle said...

I think a simple hug & an "I love you" would be the most meaningful gift ever.

And, can I just say, that you're such a beautiful combination of your parents?!

Cari said...

Your parents make a beautiful couple Sarah.

Though my parents are no longer married I do have the comfort to know that they're both here. You look like your beautiful mom and I'm sure, no, I know she's proud of you. You've grown so much since starting your blog and I your whole family should be proud.

Prayers and hugs to you, your family and your dad today.

Cari

Amy Jane said...

I love the honesty of this post. Its so beautiful and raw. Thank you for sharing your heart. XO

Amanda said...

That was a perfect post, Sarah. Why? Because it was real. Death sucks. Loss sucks. Life sucks (sometimes). It's definitely okay to cry, and I give a lot of credit for writing that note to your mom instead of writing a fake note/post. I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of lovin'!

Brown Girl said...

Your mother was such a beautiful woman. She would be proud of you and I know she would forgive you for having such a foul mouth. ;) Thinking about you...

Rachel said...

I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I hope you know that I admire your strength.

I think a note to your dad is a great idea. The fact that you remembered and did something to show that you remember will mean the world to him.

Jane said...

Big hugs to you!

Full of Heart said...

It would have been my parents 30th anniversary last June, and it will be 10 years since my dad died in January.
I just sent mom a short email letting her know I was thinking of her and wishing her a happy would have been anniversary. She said it meant a lot just to even have me recognize it.

Leslie said...

We don't know each other, I stumbled upon your blog by accident a few years ago and comment randomly, but boy do I wish I could give you a hug right now! I don't blame you for crying! I am crying just reading what you wrote! Your parents were an adorable couple. I can't imagine losing one of my parents and it must be so hard for all of you. If it was me, I would just give my dad a hug and say "I miss her too, Happy Anniversary" and leave it at that.

girlymama said...

oh, sweetie. i lost a parent 11 years ago and it still rears its head. sending prayers and hugs to you and your dad.

Jo-Lynne said...

I can't imagine the grief of losing a mom so young. ((hug))

Aly said...

Your parents are adorable. I hope you were able to find the right words. <3

Post a Comment

 
Blog Design by Sweet Simplicity