Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A Very Good Day

A week ago Saturday, also known as "The Day Before I Love You's," was not a good day.

You see, when your doctor tells you she can't fit you in for your annual lady-physical until November, you get over it. And then when she calls you right back and says she has an appointment on Saturday morning, it's total buzzkill.

I had an early morning meeting at work and then headed to the lady doctor. During the breast-exam portion of the funfest, she asks me "have you always had this lump here?"

Cue panic.

She sits me up and feels again from different angles - always coming to the conclusion that I didn't want to hear: a lump. Not a tiny one, but a nice, big one.

She finishes up what needs to be done and sends me off with an appointment for an ultrasound and a diagnostic mammogram.

At age 24.

I visit the doctor in a different town, so on my way back I am just reeling. I expected a lot of things from this appointment - but this was not one of them.

At first, I wasn't going to tell anyone. Why burden anyone with unnecessary worry? It just seemed so cruel and unfair, especially since my mom died so young (although from nothing even remotely related to breast cancer).

I had planned on hanging out with Mr. RH for a couple hours before heading back to work, so off I went.

He asks how things went and I tell him everything is fine and dandy before resuming my stone-cold silence.

At this point he knows me well enough that he's not convinced of that bullshiz so he basically sits patiently until I make up my mind that I'm going to spill my guts.

After 52 hours of me debating in my head, I choke the words out: "she found a lump."

Mr. RH looks - well, he looks like I feel: petrified. Stone cold.

I don't blame him.

He, of course, recovers enough to say all the right things. It's nothing. Don't worry. It's going to be fine. I'm here for you.

Of course, at this point I have completely lost my grip and there are tears running down my cheeks.

Mr. RH wipes my tears and smoothes my hair and tells me everything is going to be just fine.

For days, I live with the secret between Mr. RH and I. Not telling a soul.

We go to the wedding and I hug my friends tighter and scream "I love you's" out the car windows until they are out of sight.

I break down and tell some co-workers so I can get off for the appointment. I decide to tell my dad because I can't decide if it would completely break his heart that I didn't tell him and something was wrong.

In the meantime, Mr. RH tells me that he loves me. He has, according to him, been thinking it for weeks but couldn't find the right time to tell me. He wanted to say it the minute I told him about the lump but also didn't want me to think he only said it because he was afraid.

He also insists on accompanying me to my appointment. I, of course, fight him tooth and nail and tooth but he insists that he's going to wait in the lobby while I get my tests done.

It feels really, really nice to have someone insist on supporting me, for a change. Really, really great.

In the meantime, Mr. RH and I can't exactly shake the what-ifs from our head. Sure, he tells me he's not worried and that everything is fine. But in the quiet moments, I look over at his face and we both know what is going unsaid.

Fear.

The thought that I was coming so close to everything that I had ever wanted and the thought of it being potentially taken away? So unfair.

But after 10 of the most-sleepless days I've ever had, the appointment was yesterday.

All clear. Nothing to worry about.

Mr. RH had the whole day off with me so we spent it celebrating. Mexican fiesta for lunch, shopping, making out, going on a drive, making peach cobbler.... all of our favorite things.

We parted ways last night knowing that the future is still in tact and ours for the taking.

It was a very good day. Potentially one of the best.

32 Classy Comments:

Kate said...

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that. I found a lump in my breast in February and after 6 weeks of tests and ultrasounds I had surgery to remove it. And it turned out to be nothing. It was the most stressful 6 weeks of my life.

Michelle said...

So glad to hear that everything turned out to be okay. I know I would be absolutely terrified (my mom is nearly 5 years breast cancer free and her sister died from it years ago in her early 40s).

As for the other lady part, I've had some stressful run-ins with that thing. :/

And, I'm so, so glad that your sweetie is YOUR sweetie. I don't even know him (or you if you really wanna get technical), but I'd love to just give him a big ole hug (and you, too!) for being so damn good to you.

Annie said...

Oh gosh, SO glad you're okay!!

K said...

So sorry that you had to go through that. You are always struck with panic when the doctor wants to do extra tests. I always assume that unless they thought something was wrong they wouldn't do it. So obviously, something horrible is happening. And I too wonder who to tell and how much. I'm glad that you had the Mr. there with you for support. It always makes things a little bit easier when you have someone in your corner. Glad everything is OK.

Heather said...

I am sorry you had to go through that, but so glad that he was with you and that it all turned out to be fine!

CT said...

so glad you are okay! my boyfriend had a health scare this summer and I know exactly how Mr. RH felt. It's really scary to think the one you love most can't be protected by you. Sounds like you've got a great guy! :) Happy for you.

Ashley said...

How scary. I'm so glad that everything checked out okay! And I'm glad that Mr RH was right by your side!

the girl in the red shoes said...

Oh Sarah I am so sorry that you had to go through that. But I am so glad to hear everything is alright! That just proves we all need to make sure we see the doctor once a year. And Mr. RH? Oh my word, he's a keeper! What a sweet guy!

Brittany said...

I am SO glad everything came back good!! SO SO scary!! You are in very good company, it looks like! I had a lumpectomy when I was a senior in college. They had to make a second incision because the lump (what turned out to be a fibroadenoma) was so big! They told me ahead of time it was probably a benign fibroadenoma, but getting the pathology results back was an enormous relief. I'm so glad you and Mr. RH were able to celebrate!

Jessica @ Acting Adult said...

What a scary situation - I'm so glad everything is ok! And what a guy to stand by you. I think you got a good one!

Tiffany said...

Praise the Lord! So glad everything checked out fine. My mom is a stage 3 breast cancer survivor, so I know about the fear...all of it. And I felt a lump last year and was so nervous until my doctor confirmed that it was nothing to worry about. It is very difficult in those "uncertain" days. I am so glad you had mr. RH right by your side the whole way. So happy for you.

Caitlin said...

I'm so glad everything came back okay! I can only imagine how you were feeling and I'm so glad that you can be relieved now!

Mrs. Jones said...

Goodness that would scare me to death! I'm so glad everything is okay, that lady parts doc is over for this year, and that you have a wonderful man!

Candace said...

So glad everything turned out okay. I'm also glad you had a wonderful person in your life to comfort you during this time.

Ashley said...

Oh, Sarah! I can't even imagine the fear. I'm so glad that you had him to lean on and that everything turned out ok. xx

Aly said...

I have been through the exact same thing. I found a lump a few years ago in the dressing room at VS. I eventually had to have mine removed because it was getting too large and would prevent doctors from seeing what was behind it in a mammogram as I got older. I'm so glad to hear that everything is okay. It can be SO scary!

katie@tulsadetails said...

So, so glad everything was ok. I totally would have been flipping out too!!! I have had a couple of friends with the same issue--I think theirs was brought on by caffeine and definitely nothing to worry about either.

Also, could RH be any sweeter????? :)

etta said...

What a scary couple of weeks! I'm sure that the waiting was worse than the actual test because you have time to go over every terrible scenario in your head 100 times.

It's really great that B went with you. It takes a lot for guys to go to any appointments related to lady doctors. :)

Suze said...

So glad you are okay...I've been getting mammograms since age 28, as my mom was diagnosed in 1987. Thankfully still her though it recurred in her bones in 06, but she is doing fine on maintenance chemo every week. I had a fibrocystic lump removed at age 33, but as I near the age my mom was when diagnosed, I freak out each time I go for my mammogram. This year they called me to come back in for another view - I had the last appointment of the day so the docs were gone and thus my films did not get looked at before leaving. Now I will always get the first appointment...not worth the agony of worrying over nothing...sounds like you have a keeper of a man there!

Legallyblondemel said...

Goodness, life throwing you a ton lately - mostly good, but what a scare! I'm thrilled to hear your good news, both about your health & those 3 little magic words too.

Kelly & Dusty said...

VERY glad to hear you've been cleared with good health, and particularly so quickly! Having experienced just about the same thing, at the same age, I can empathasize with the fear you've been experiencing. Thankful you're well and happy you've got wonderful support to lean on!

Melissa said...

This was me a few weeks ago! Routine exam, nurse found a large lump. What? Me? I'm 23. Freaked me out!

They believe it's a fibroadenoma--is that what yours is too? I haven't decided on whether I should get it removed. Will you blog about your decision? I know I would find it really helpful.

Love the Mr. RH stories...he sounds like a complete dreamboat ;)

LuvRedandWhite said...

So glad that it was nothing! XOXO

Kelli said...

I'm glad everything turned out okay! Looks like you had a pretty good day afterwards! :)

Classy Fab Sarah said...

Melissa... I can't reply to you because you have no email linked to your account! Email me! classyfabsarah@gmail.com

peaceheartsoulsista said...

Thank you for your post.....

I am glad that a good result all round came out of it.

Bless =)

Kat said...

Oh Sarah that sounds awful! Can't believe you had to go through that! It has happened to my mum a couple of times now and every time is as scary as the last.It is s good to hear that you had Mr RH to help you through it and that you are absolutely fine!!!

~Haley~ said...

So sorry you had to go through that ordeal... I can't imagine that fear! But hey, if you don't have the worst days, the best days wouldn't feel as great! And honestly, if he can stand by you through that with no fear, he's gotta be a keeper! You lucky girl, you!
XoXo

Leslie said...

yikes! Scary! I am so glad it was nothing!

Whitney said...

Sarah, oh my goodness. I'm so sorry you had to go through that kind of stress and anxiety. I'm so happy and relieved to hear everything is A-Ok...but perhaps the silver lining is that Mr. RH is most DEFINITELY committed and will be there for you no matter what. Love hearing about guys who are fabulous to the ones they love.

Megan said...

I'm just now reading this....so glad everything is ok. I can't imagine how scary that was! And I'm so glad to see your relationship with RH growing and growing. I know you are happy and I am SO happy for you!

SouthernBelleJM said...

ok, at this start of this post i was SO worried. now, i'm so glad it's okay:)

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