Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Let's Talk Polygamists.

So, we've all been reading and watching the clips about TLC's new show Sister Wives, right?

For those of you living under a rock, the show features a man and his four sister wives. As in - he's a polygamist.

Now... the went-to-a-women's-college-feminist in me is all "PIG" and "He's so gross" and "Where is their self esteem?".

And on the other hand, I think "eh, it's not hurting me. Who am I to judge?"

Which I believe is the correct God-ly-answer, FYI.

But then I got to thinking.

This guy's a polygamist, which means he openly loves his four wives.

But wait - he's not the only guy in this situation.

What about cheaters? Men who have loving wives but are seeking love in someone else's bed?

And all the men in the world with multiple baby mommas?

Now... part of me says "well hey, those relationships don't all overlap.

Well, some of them do. For example, the girl one row ahead of me at high school graduation who was pregnant and so was her best friend. Which is great cause now their children are step-siblings (they have the same dad).

Clearly, this man on TLC isn't alone. He's not the only one seeking affection from multiple women.

True, he might be the only one (on TV) who is doing it and calling it marriage....

.... but if you think about it, he's hardly the only man loving multiple women at once.

So. To the cheaters and the double-crossers and the men with secret double (triple?) lives. You're about zero steps away from being a polygamist, in my opinion.

Ladies.... what do you think?? Am I crazy (well, I am but...) or is there some truth here?

Do we have "polygamists" walking our streets in disguise?

(And spare me the line that people have to be claiming multiple marriages to be polygamists. I get that. But what I'm saying is.... the actions are the same.)

Tell it to me like it is, ladies.

(Edited to Add: Ok, so I'm only talking about the GUY here. I totally understand what people are saying commenting about the women. Total oversight. I'm just talking about the guy. Dishonesty aside.... it's the same thing. In my book. To me. And what I'm saying is... "it" happens more than we think. In my opinion. That's how I see it. Kinda.)

16 Classy Comments:

Jennifer said...

Love this post! I just watched Sister Wives yesterday and at first was totally disgusted...then the other part of me was like, "hum, different strokes for different folks." I really liked all of the ladies and they seemed to be a nice and loving family. They are living in a way that isn't hurting anyone and they are taking care of their children and making their own way in the world, so really what's the big deal? But I still think it is strange. I hadn't really thought about the polygamist/cheater thing before but you have a point. I definitely see the comparisons now that you say that. I am definitely going to watch the show this season, and like I said before, I really like all the people...but I still stand by the fact that I think that it is strange, but whatever, it's their lives and if they want to live in that way, who am I to judge? Good post.

melissa said...

I haven't seen this show yet but I'm intrigued by the premise. It's certainly an interesting life choice. To answer your question, I can see your analogy about cheaters and polygamists, but I think the difference is the women. Women in polygamist marriages agree willingly (hopefully) to the situation. Not so with most women in unfaithful relationships.

I'll have to check this show out sometime. Thanks for blogging about it!

Leigh said...

I watched the show on Sunday night and couldn't stop watching. For me personally, I could not imagine sharing my husband with two or three other woman. I am a very jealous person and I know that it would never be possible for me.

I found it interesting when the one lady was talking about how she always wanted to be the third wife. Not for the husband, but because she wanted the companionship and help that came with the other two wives.

How come a man is allowed or can have 3+ wives but woman never have 3+ husbands?

ty said...

I can respect polygamists, though. If you have a grounded belief that you SHOULD behave in a certain way, and it doesn't harm anyone else, I'm all about it. If that is your belief, you go on an believe it. If you believe that a giant spaceship will pick us up and take us to Mars ... well, okay. If that gets you through the day, alright.

If it's your belief, something that defines a part of your life, I'll respect your decisions.

BUT ... if you're just a horny old goat who can't keep it in your pants ... totally different.

I guess my point is that I distinguish the two, but I can see the similarities. I just think the intent is completely different.

EthidiumBromide said...

Polygamy doesn't bother me in the least, as long as every individual CONSENTS to the marriage. Forcing young women into plural marriages is an entirely different, repulsive story, but if the man and all wives WANT to be married together, I say go for it. Who am I to decide who can and cannot be married as long as everyone is a willing participant? I am a full supporter of gay marriage because I don't think it's my right to pick and choose who should and shouldn't get to marry, and I feel pretty similar about this... once again, key word being that every participant CONSENTS.

Personally, I think there's a HUGE difference between a polygamist and a cheater -- a polygamist has the approval of his wives to do what he does (hey, even that third wife said she was ONLY interested in marrying a family with sister wives; clearly, she was not forced). A cheater does not have the approval of his spouse to cheat on her. A polygamist can see multiple women at once and everyone is still happy. I do not know a single woman who was with a cheater that was in the least bit happy or content with the situation.

Obviously the difference in opinion is that you are regarding polygamy as something awful, like cheating... but I don't see what the problem is as long as everyone is willing, so clearly in my eyes, it isn't anywhere near the same level as cheating behind the back of your spouse.

THE Stephanie said...

What cracks me up is that he's now being investigated for bigamy.

Um... isn't it pretty clear that he has more than one wife? Isn't that what the show is about? I don't see the need for an "investigation."

It's illegal in the US to be married to more than one person.

My personal beliefs aside (which would not include supporting bigamy, but I'm with you, as a believer, we're called to love, not to judge), it's illegal. We have laws against it. Why waste money on an investigation, just follow the law and do what it says to do in this situation. LOL.

Anyway, that's my soapbox. :)

Laura said...

I agree you! great post!

Although that show "sister wives" totally skeeves me out, I am THANKFUL to live in America where we are able to express religious freedom, which they definitely are. (although, they are being investigated right now, which i don't think is fair.)

It's not my personal beliefs of what is right and noble. But it's not my choice for my life. I don't judge, but I DEFINITELY don't participate. In fact, it makes me think about those women and how they arrived at the point where this polygimist situation was OK with them. make you think, right?

Anyway, like I said, not my problem. Happy Hump Day!

Sara said...

I haven't seen this show and likely won't watch it. But, you do have an interesting point.

And, to Leigh, your questions made me smile. Most women have a hard enough time picking up after one husband. Who wants more than one? :) One is all I could handle.

The Branches said...

Oh this is so WRONG on so many levels. I saw a preview for the show and the man and his wives were on the Today Show the other day. They are all koo koo!

The Ratpack said...

I get what your saying, and I agree with you. I never thought about it from that angle. I did read something interesting the other day from someone who said that people are getting way too worked up over this, because it's no different than gay couples. He says that it's the same argument: they are truly in love, aren't hurting anyone, and are outcast for their belief. And someone mentioned that it is still illegal, but what I think is happening in this situation is that he is either legally married to only one, (or possibly none) of the women. Which, of course, makes it totally legal - they just live as husband and wives.

I have my opinion, but I will spare you (at least as a blog comment) :) Are you going to keep watching? I think I will, for at least awhile!

Melissa said...

Love this! I watched on Sunday and all I kept thinking was that it was glorified cheating and that they were using religion to justify it. I can't imagine sharing my husband with anyone and would NOT put up with that. I do think men who cheat and have lots of women are basically polygamists, they just don't say they're "married" to all these women.

I do agree though, that since it's not hurting me and they're all consenting adults, then whatever.

LG said...

While I have ZERO desire to be a polygamist, I totally get why they do it and think its OK! Which is weird I guess, and may or may not be biased from watching Big Love, but as long as the women choose that, so be it! I also think the idea of a Huge family and extra parents to share responsibilities, especially in the case of death, is a nice option to have.

BelleinBows said...

Heard about this show, saw the previews, can't bring myself to watch it. I can pretend I am not judgmental, but I agree 100% with you. There's no difference in what this man is doing here, compared to men who are married or in relationships, they seek for love or affection elsewhere, outside of their relationship. It angers me.
He isn't hurting anyone, but it's painting a picture that it's "okay" for a man to love multiple women, openly.

Brenda said...

I won't watch it either. I think that someone who decides to make the decision to go along with something like that either really doesn't have a real choice or they have a mental/emotional problem that others are taking advantage off. No matter how I look at it, I can't justify it.

Jenni said...

I am SOO excited to have just found your blog!!

This post really made me think... I am scratching my head here... I'll have to get back to you on this one! ;)

Looking forward to following you!

Jessica W said...

New to your blog- had to comment on this!
Sister Wives My roomies were so appalled and disgusted by it but I think basically what you said at the beginning of your post- that it's their choice- not hurting anyone else and who am I to judge!

I also def agree that there are many men like this that don't necessarily label themselves as a polygamist- but act in the same ways.. and sadly I know a handful of them!

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