A Serious Post About Shopping

The title of this post made you confused - right? I mean, how serious can shopping be - right?

Well.

A couple of weeks ago when I told you guys to "Ask Me Anything," a few of you asked me about fall fashion or fall clothes.

And I wanted to answer. I love fall, and I love fall clothes. But for some reason... let's just say that the cat got my tongue. I felt like I had nothing to say.

So what's this all about? It's about my mom.

Since I was about 13 years old, my mom and I fought. We were so similar that we clashed on a lot of things.

But there was one thing that brought us together: shopping, and clothes.

Depending on the time of year, we would get up early on Saturday morning, put on our comfortable shoes, and head into Indianapolis for a day of shopping. It was "our thing." We sometimes had a plan of attack - buying Christmas or birthday gifts - and sometimes we just wandered.

It was my favorite. Friends would invite me to spend the night on Friday nights and I always hesitated - because I knew that my friends would sleep past noon and I would wake at 8 am and want to run out the door to get my shop on.

We didn't always buy much - in fact, sometimes all we bought was lunch. We always had bourbon chicken from a Chinese restaurant - and we split it.

I got some of my favorite things on those trips - a powder blue tweed coat, my favorite black pumps, and all of my prom and formal dresses. And, of course, since I was her daughter, my mom paid for a ton of these clothes - even when I was in college and should have been paying for my own clothes.

If there was no reason to buy me clothes and we found something really awesome, she would buy it and save it for my birthday or Christmas. In fact, that was how I "made a Christmas list" - we just went to the mall and picked out what I wanted. Christmas shopping complete.

So, that brings us to today. My mom's not here anymore and, though I still like shopping, it's different now. I have the hardest time shopping.

I don't shop well with my friends - their issues distract me from looking for myself. Either they're too broke to spend money or they really need X, Y, or Z for tonight... I just can't focus on me.

It's different now. If you see me at the mall today - I'll be wearing flip-flops. Why? Because I have a hard time finding comfortable shoes I like. Because my mom would have been the one to push me to buy something warm for my feet. Because my mom would have spent the money she would have set aside for herself making sure I had shoes that I could not only walk in but be comfortable and cute in.

When I went to write a post about fall fashion, I realized that my closet is seriously lacking. I could have gone to a bunch of store websites and pulled out some of my "fall picks," but I always prefer posting real-life pictures. It brings the clothes to life when I can see them on a a real person's body.

So there you have it. The truth. I love clothes, and I love shopping. But, today, shopping for myself is different. It feels selfish, not practical. I feel badly for spending money - even when it's my own, hard earned money.

I don't feel badly about not having the nicest or the newest clothes. I don't even particularly mind not having the best shoes for the weather.

I just miss my mom.

So today, I'm heading out to the malls. Hopefully I have some luck... and of course, I'll share anything that I do find.

P.S. I wrote about potentially ditching ditching my beloved Nars Orgasm blush today at Chic Critique.