Friday Favorite: An Ode to the Girls

I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, and I'll say it a thousand more: I'm kinda a boob expert. Or, rather, a bra expert.

I can spot a lumpy, misshapen bra at 50 paces. You, sitting at your computer in a sports bra you outgrew in high school? Yeah, I see you too.

I never intended to be the bra expert. I never even had boobs until my sophomore year of high school, and even then they weren't anything to write home about.

So that brings me to the topic of today's post: the bra.

You might need a new bra if:

• your cup size is too small, giving you the impression of a 4-boob or the dreaded 6-boob. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you probably don't want to know.
  
• your cup size is too big, giving you collapsing boobs
  
• your band rides up in back, leading to the girls falling out the front
  
• you have back fat issues, which is usually caused by a band that is too loose, NOT too big
  
• if you buy bras that fit when using the the smallest hook

So what do you do if you find yourself in one of the situations above? Well, listen closely.

First, do not assume that your local Victoria's Secret has all the answers. Now, I love me some Victoria's Secret, I truly do - BUT they are not ALWAYS God's gift to the boob. Case in point: for years, my bra rode up in back, sagged in the front, and the straps inevitably fell down. I would head into VS for a bra fitting and they'd, without fail, push me into a 34B and try and send me on my way. I'd show them how it didn't fit, and they'd promise that it would 'grow to fit me.' Ahem. Grow to fit? I'm sorry, did my bra up and become a human baby that grows and needs changed? Um, no. Finally, one day I decided to STOP paying $45-55 bucks a pop for bras that didn't work. I found myself sitting in Nordstrom during one of their Semi-Annual sales. I wandered over and stammered to a sweet old lady bra-fitter about my problems and she told me not to worry and to wait in a fitting room. She showed up with some 34Cs and had me try them on (in front of her. naked. umm... can you say uncomfortable? but she was really old so in all honesty it wasn't that bad... just... i wanted to die at the time). So after about 15 minutes, I walked out of Nordstrom with some lovely DKNY and Calvin Klein bras in size 32D. D, people. As in, how in the hell did those VS girls think a B was going to fit? That's what I'm sayin.... Ok, now back to my rules.

Second, try on every bra. Try on different styles (full-coverage, t-shirt, demi cup, racerback) AND different sizes. When I went from 34C to 32D, hallelujah, it FIT! If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

Lastly, don't get caught up in the numbers and the letters. I know too many good women who walk around with lumpy, dumpy, misshapen boobs because they are too hung up on their numbers. Being a 32F does not make you dumb, and being a 34A does not make you unsexy. NOBODY (well, except for maybe me) can tell your size just by looking at you, so don't sweat it. Wear what looks (and feels) best. And know that bras don't have universal sizing, so you could have a host of different sizes in your wardrobe (I've got 34Cs, 32Ds, and 32DDs).

Ok, and now I have to tell you about my most amazing bra find. Recently, it seemed like all my elastic was shot and I was just ready for a new bra or two. So I went to Macy's which was famous in my mind for NEVER carrying size 32 bras. But lo and behold, I found this beauty.
Calvin Klein's Seductive Comfort Customized Lift Bra.

It's beautiful. Bralelujah! Now, go forth and evaluate your girls. E-mail me if you have questions. You can thank me later. Amen...

Happy Friday!! I may be pretty silent until next Saturday, when I have a HUGE project due.