Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

I knew this day was going to be hard - I did.

I'm working through 'Senior Week' at my College. As a junior that has been waiting to go home for 2 months, and whose friends have all gone home, I don't have much to do today.

My dad and brother are coming up midday to take some of my dorm room stuff home.

BUT, today is mother's day. The first without my mother, who died on November 4th.

Since I have nothing better to do today, I have volunteered to work the front desk of my dorm and make a few dollars. When another girl mentioned that she wouldn't be able to get to her shift, she begged me to take it and I succumbed to the pressure. Which means that I am sitting at the front desk today for a grand totally of... drum roll please... 11 hours.

Somebody please shoot me - this day blows.

Anyway, back to Mother's Day. I really miss my mom. More and more lately, I have just been wanting to pick up the phone and call her. I just want to chat. I want to tell her what I bought at Target today. I want to tell her how much I want to go to an outlet mall... and then have her tell me to spend $50 and put it on my credit card and she'll take care of it. I want to have her tell me to stop being so dramatic all the time. I want her to tell me what she did today.

Most of all, though... what I really really want - is just to sit with her. We have a "Chair and a Half" that sits in our living room, and it only really fits 1.5 people - NOT 2. But when I had breaks at school and came home from college, I always found myself banging hips with her and fitting both of our butts in that chair. I want to sit with my mom. Just sit.

I miss you mom. I wish you were here.

This is my family: me, Dad, brother, Mom.

This picture was taken a year ago at my brother's high school graduation party, when she was in "remission" from colon cancer. She was never in remission, it was just 'protocol' not to test from the date of the last chemo until 3 months later - when it was too late to save her.

I miss her so much it physically hurts. I had no idea she wouldn't be around for Mother's Day this year, or to help move me out of my dorm. I just had no idea.

I miss you mom.


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