Tuesday, December 1, 2009

To Be Alone

What does it mean to be alone?

Are you alone when you are driving in your car, by yourself? Are you alone when you are walking in a crowded place with other people?

When my dad had surgery a week and a half ago, I felt very, very alone. I sat in a crowded waiting room filled with families and friends, alone.

Because my dad is stubborn and proud, he didn't tell my mom's family that he was having surgery. He told his siblings and dad, but only a couple of days before. None of our family lives within 4 hours driving distance... so it was just me.

When the surgery finished, the surgeon wanted to talk to me. I sat in the little meeting room, alone. My brother was at school but I couldn't get him on the phone. When the surgeon said there were complications, I didn't know what to do. Should I call someone? Keep it to myself? It was all just so - weird.

When I dated The Boy, I never felt alone. Even though he was a horrible listener, I felt like he generally had a good sense of where I was and he would notice if I went missing.

When I lived with 3 of my best friends, I know they kept tabs on me. Anytime someone went off the map for an extended period of time, we all got stressed - calling mutual friends and making sure that everyone was ok.

I had an idea of where this post would go when I started... but now I'm not so sure. Of course I know that God is always with me... but it's not the same.

Sometimes, being alone - not having that person and that sounding board - really sucks.

Do you ever feel alone?

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19 Classy Comments:

Sarah said...

I feel alone sometime even tho I know I have people there if I need them. Sometimes I feel so alone with friends. I don't have many and it just sucks staying at home with nothing to do while my bf works. I know what you mean. I've been in your situation and I'm in my situation and it really does suck sometimes.

Whitney said...

Aw Sarah! I am soo sorry sweetie! I know what you mean though... sometimes, even with Pat, I feel so alone. I am just so emotional sometimes and I have some many feelings that overwhelm me that he couldn't even begin to understand and so I feel so alone and helpless. SAD but true. So even when there is something there, they don't always make you feel not alone...

Thinking of you, xoxo

Mrs. Jones said...

I know how you feel! I've been married for almost a year, and it seems that this season of my life finds me more alone than ever before! Friendships are changing and ending for so many reasons. It's strange and confusing, but I'm so used to being surrounded by my girls that not even my husband being around helps. I need that girly fellowship! Thinking of you....

Mrs. Jones (@aRealLifeWife)

brown eyed girl said...

Aww, sweetie, I'm sorry to hear that. I felt alone the other week too, my dad had his knee surgery and was supposed to be home by noon. At 12:30, no one had called me, my mom's phone was off, I was at work, my husband was at work, and I started to freak. out. Thankfully, he was alright and surgery had a delayed start, resulting in the late return home.

But I think we all have times where we feel utterly alone, whether it be in a physical or emotional sense.

Chinnup! xoxo

Ashley said...

I am not usually physically alone. Sometimes though the loneliness that comes from not being understood is even more frustrating for me.

I'm only 22, but it feels like my family has type-cast me into my little role. If I ever do anything out of the ordinary, everyone looks at me like I'm crazy.

Hey! We are in our 20s. We are allowed to be a little crazy, right? ;)

Hugs to you. Great post.

The Ratpack said...

I really love your honesty and openness in this post. That's really hard to do sometimes, and love that you are putting it out there.

I know exactly how you feel. It's weird, because it's something totally independent of who is around you, or where you are. You have obviously had to take on a lot of responsibility before you should, and as an oldest child as well, I know that's a HUGE burden to bear.

Like we said earlier, 2010 will hold great things for us!! Thinking about you!

etta said...

When we moved to IL, my friends wrote me off and stopped keeping in touch. Even after a year and a half, I still only have a couple of friends here. When my husband was out of town for his hunting trip, he had horrible signal, so it was just me and my dogs for a week. It's tough. It's a big part of why I have a blog and twitter.

PinkSass said...

I've been there I know that feeling of being alone. But I will say that it made me stronger, more independent and not like it wasn't hard though because it was.

I now get to choose when I want to be alone alone and I cherish those times to just myself.

Shannon River said...

This absolutely resonates with me. I don't have a huge family and the one extended member I knew well, my dad's brother, passed away at only age 58 earlier this year.

I don't get along well with my husband's family so they're out. And thus one of my points is... when my husband had surgery I was totally alone too. It's just, well, sucky.

Melissa said...

I love your honesty. We've all been there and know how it feels. Hope things start looking up soon!

Becca said...

Your honesty is incredibly apparent in this post. And yes, I've felt so alone many, many times. Sending you virtual hugs!!

Megan said...

There have been so many times in this past year when I felt alone. Yes I have my husband but we live in a differen town than our family and best friends and sometimes it is very lonely. Then I remember this is a season and it will pass. Also, don't forget about all of us bloggy/twitter friends! You always have us! :-)

Becky said...

Is your Dad okay? Oh my goodness...well, I will be praying for him. I feel alone all the time now, I have my husband here and love him and his family, but there is something missing because MY family isn't here...and somehow I'm reminded of that everytime I come home from being HOME (AR)! But I guess in some small way blogging helps me to feel not so alone and connect with people..and to me that is a blessing :)

In this wonderful life... said...

How is your dad?? I hope everything is okay! You do always have God..just remember that! The rest will fall into place :)

V for Vertigo said...

Sounds like you have a case of the Holiday Blues. I always feel that way this time of year especially since I live alone, I'm single, and I'm away from family. I think we all feel alone. Some more than others.

Wearing Mascara said...

I hope everything is okay with your dad. Sometimes, I feel alone. It's scary when I have that realization. That every move I make is because I am making it - not someone else. It's empowering but also very scary.

hugs to you!

Tara said...

Totally hear what you're saying with this one Sarah. Sounds like the change of season is taking it's toll on you, as it is me. Hope your dad is doing ok :)

Allison said...

That's interesting because I have that constant conflict in my life. I've been trying to deal with my loneliness and insecurities for years now. It's hard to realize that nobody is there to listen, care, or just be there when you need a person around. These have been the hardest times of my life, so I really sympathize...I guess we must trust that God has something in store.

I always try to go back and think about the Mother Teresa quote I love so much, "God will never give us more than we can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."
God trusts us A LOT!

Andhari said...

I feel alone almost whenever I'm alone/ Or at least when I'm alone for quite a long amount of time. It sucks because then my thoughts are scary to me and I feel unloved. Maybe it's just the time of the year though, Sarah. I hope your dad is okay. :)

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