I've been "pretending to write stuff on the internet" for three and a half years now. (Blogging.) And if you count the amount of time before that in which I was considering starting a blog, it would be well over four years.
Four years!
I've kept my blog a little secret for lo these many years. I don't post about it on facebook. I don't tweet with my high school and college BFFs. (Shout out to Maura and Katie, two girls from college who have super-sleuthed me out despite me pretending I don't write a blog.)
There are various reasons I don't tell anyone. My job, for one. Nobody wants to write "omg, I'm so exhausted from work" in an offhanded way and get fired. Plus, I don't really need my coworkers to know about my innermost feelings or the state of My Good Girl.
Because despite the fact that I write freely about such things... I don't really need people I interact with on a daily basis to be well-versed on such topics.
So. This blog has been a secret of mine for 4 years. My ex knew about it in a vague way, although I honestly didn't rely on this blog so much when we were together. It became my lifeline after he dumped my ass, I was unemployed, and everyone who I had ever met through blogging rallied around me.
(Side note: you guys are pretty awesome like that.)
My dad and brother both know I blog and yet neither give two craps about it. They just laugh and mock me when I need to take a picture of something and tweet it. Or if they are in a bad mood they tend to yell something along the lines of "If you so much as THINK about posting this on the internet I will disown you" or something like that. Which is weird because they don't read my blog so HOW WOULD THEY EVEN KNOW?!
What I'm saying is: my blog is anonymous. That is, I don't tell my friends about it. My family.
Thing is, some of them have found it. I'm proficient enough in internet-sleuthing to know that there are people I know who are reading... who don't know that I know they are reading.
Whoa.
I told Mr. RH, in a verrrry roundabout way, that I had a blog on one of our early dates. Remember when I wrote this post, on June 1st, saying that I was kinda-sorta-maybe ready to start dating again?
And you ALL resoundingly cheered for me and rallied and told me that YES, I was ready and it was TIME.
Mr. RH asked me out less than 10 days later. And, in talking about relationships, I told him that I would have never agreed to go out with him if not for... well, on this website that I write on sometimes... they all told me I should go out with him. So I did.
And of course I told him that. And he, being the genius that he is, put 2 and 2 together and came up with the word BLOG all on his own. And I was all... "where did you learn that word?!" and acted innocent... but let's be real.
He knows I blog. He accidentally stumbled on my twitter account when it was pulled up on my laptop.
Yesterday, I asked him to describe my style and he said... "Classy fab."
Cue mini panic attack/breakdown. Because he clearly, out loud, identified the fact that he knows my twitter account.
Die die die die die die die die die die die.
Here's the thing: I think I write this blog pretty openly. It's not earth-shattering stuff. I write about missing my mom, about doubting myself, about stupid clothes from Forever21. Those are all things that I would discuss with any random person who walked in off the street.
For four years, this blog has been my own personal Fight Club. I thought about it, obsessed about it, spent hours working on it... but it never once got mentioned out loud.
Mr. RH wants to read it. Not only because he is a huge English writing nerd, but because he wants to know more about me. Weird, I know.
He has promised to give me my privacy. I have diligently been obsessing over my stats and he hass not opened this site YET, of that I am 99.999% certain. Plus, he promised not to (until I give him the OK) and he is way better about keeping his promises than I am.
So. The Boyfriend and the Blog. Never the twain shall meet?
Please discuss. (Or then I will have to admit that I wrote 797 words on boyfriends and blogging and NO ONE cares.)
Hi Boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteI like Sarah.
A LOT.
I hear you do too.
So if you're reading this? Know that there is this crazy strange wonderful loving community Sarah has that is based upon her doing *waving arms wildly* this.
You may think it's weird, but it's saved a lot of us in more ways than one.
Not to mention it's brought us some pretty wonderful friends.
*wink towards Miss Sarah.*
Definitely let him read it. Its a great way for him to learn more about you. Its also a fabulous way to drop hints about birthday/christmas/anniversary gifts.
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness though, my bf knew I had a blog but I never wanted him to read it because I was embarassed. Then, when all of my not-so-true-friends found it and starting talking smack about me, I wished he had seen it. He has always been 100% behind everything I do, but it would have been nice for him to have actually known what he was defending. On another note, its very easy to be brutally honest on your blog. You don't have to see reactions as you say things. No matter how good a relationship is there are times your emotions aren't as raw as they could be, this will allow him to see it. I know it will make him love you even more.
Hi Mr. RH - Sarah's pretty awesome. And you should read her blog. so that you can reveal in how amazing she is.
ReplyDeleteAlso, she posts cute photos of you.
xo,
nicole
I can understand your fears! I get nervous when I blog too because I don't know how anyone (my husband, parents, or the general public) is going to perceive me. It is scary because an innocent comment can get totally misinterpreted. But, I think in some ways it has brought my hubby and I closer... he can get into my head a little more (in a good way) and understand me, particularly when I struggle to say certain things out loud. It's a tough call but since you're obviously pondering the idea... maybe it's time. :)
ReplyDeleteAngela
www.habitformingsuccess.com
I pretty much love your blog...I laughed out loud at the "dumped my ass" line. I think you should let Mr. RH read it -- if those sweet posts about him don't make his ego swell, then nothing will!! :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Moosh in Indy. Let him read. But he should be warned. We love you and your blog - and he better not try to change a thing!
ReplyDeleteTotally let him read it! Kevin was really glad I started one so he could "know my feelings more." Whatever that means! I never think he reads it then every now and then he says some random comment that makes me know that he totally read that day. Hilarious!
ReplyDeleteIf you don't think you'll start censoring yourself if he reads it then go ahead. But if letting him into your little blog world will make you less likely to be as open and honest on here, then I think it's great he's willing to respect your privacy.
ReplyDeleteQUICK! Go delete all the posts you talked about how cute all your babies are going to be before he had even kissed you yet!!!
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness though, I agree with the previous poster that said if you were going to start censoring yourself because you know he is going to read it then I would advise against it! My husband knows I blog and could give a crap. So I write whatever I want and don't worry that he will be offended when I write about how useless he is that day. :)
I'm thinking it sounds totally fun to have a secret blog that no one knows about. I may have to try it out.
ReplyDeletehaha I love this post! I have always told my parents and friends but I never told my boyfriend about my blog. He somehow stumbled upon it one day. I was like welll... did you read a lot of it? He said, "Only the posts that I thought you would have talked about me in." Typical boy answer. BUT he thinks my blog is precious and wants to send his mom my link. Ah. haha That may be taking me past my comfort zone a little.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend has been reading my blog since the day we met -- and that's the curse of having a very web-savvy BF! Despite the fact that my last name was, at that time, nowhere associated with my blog -- and that I don't mention my hometown or any other specifics -- he found me very easily just knowing that I blog about books and go by Meg (which is, after all, my name).
ReplyDeleteIt scared me at first, I'm not going to lie -- especially because, at the time, I knew I'd written several sort of scathing posts on online dating (and we met through a dating site). In the past, I've also been really frank about heartbreak and other personal matters, and I didn't think I wanted him to know those stories until I was ready to tell him those stories.
But it was done -- he was reading. And, over time, I realized that most of my friends and IRL friends were, too, so there was no hiding anything. It made me change my blogging a bit -- there are times I want to solicit honest feedback about something I'm going through, but don't feel comfortable knowing who will read it -- but overall, it's been fine. And another way to keep in touch and share with everyone.
What do you think you would lose if he reads it? I'm just curious :)
ReplyDeleteI think B can handle the blog. He seems like a decent guy. Besides, this is your hobby. If blogging makes you a freak then, well, let your freak flag fly. The guy already knows how much you shop, so seeing it written out on your blog shouldn't be alarming.
ReplyDeleteMy husband knows that I blog and he reads it. He'll ask if I plan to post certain things. If I don't post something cute/sweet he did after a few days, he gives me crap about it. :P
I think you've got to let him see it! It's one thing for your boyfriend not to read it, but I don't think you could or should keep it private from your husband...! And I'm not psychic or anything, but if you're headed there... :) Better to just get it over with it. The chances are he will read the ones that are important to him (aka not the clothes ones ;) & get to know and understand you better. And then he'll promptly lose interest in keeping up with new posts the same way your brother and dad are all "meh, Sarah blogs. I'm hungry."
ReplyDeleteI think it will endear you to him even more. Also, can you imagine the perspective you would get if roles were reversed? ;)
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. I don't advertise the fact that I blog to my family/friends, but if they happened to come across it... Meh. It's a nice feeling to have your own little corner of the internet to spill your guts out when you don't really want to talk to your "people" about it... I gave my blog url to my best guy friend a couple years ago, and he checks it religiously (thank you, stat counter!). He'll casually bring it up sometimes, but for the most part knows that if I want to talk to him about something I will. But I think letting Mr RH read the blog wouldn't be a bad deal. He loves you and will only get to know and love you more!
ReplyDeleteI only shared my blog with a few of my real life friends, and it shocks me how many other people have found it. What kills is me the people who I really know well, who I know read my blog, but they pretend like they don't know about it at all.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Mr. RH will adore your blog as much as we do once you let him discover it!
yep, let him read, it will be LIBERATING.
ReplyDeleteAnd really, he will only love you more.
xoxox
I say let him read away! My boyfriend reads my blog every now and then. I don't think that you put anything on here too personal or anything that you would need to hide from your boyfriend. Also, I think it shows he is curious to learn more about you and by reading your blog, he will learn more about your thoughts. So my vote is to let him read it!
ReplyDeletePS- How are you able to see if he is reading your blog or not?! I would LOVE to see who is reading my blog! Please share your secret!
This is what I think... my husband knows I blog, but he wouldn't think of reading it, and I think I would be a little hurt if he did. It's like my diary, my innermost thoughts of feelings. You wouldn't read my journal, so why would you read my blog?
ReplyDeleteI completely shut down a blog and started over again once I knew people from work were reading it. I hope I don't have to ever do that again!
I struggle with the same to-disclose-or-not concept; by and large, it's been a great thing when I do get found out or accidentally out myself. I say share with the Mr. if you're up for it!
ReplyDeleteNo. no. no. no a thousand times no!!!!!! There is no stinking way you won't start censoring what you say if you have an audience that you're trying to impress (YOUR BOYFRIEND!) And plus, even though things are going amazingly well right now, you're not married yet, and things still could go horribly wrong and then, THEN you (and all of your faithful readers) would regret a thousand times over that you ever let him in to this private world. If you really want to share, print out a few posts and let him read those. But for the love of all things internet, DO NOT give your privacy/anonimity away just yet!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAhem, just my two cents.....
Jess
The fact that he is interested in what you are writing here is so sweet! I think he is a keeper!
ReplyDeleteLove love love Sarah's comment on this post.
ReplyDeleteSHARE THE BLOG!
The reason I started to blog again...was because of my boyfriend. :)
Can't wait to hear what he thinks!
I love this post :) I still kind of freak out when my husband reads my blog so I'm with you on it. But I think he will read it and love you even more! :)
ReplyDelete