VS Fashion Show

So, unless you've been living under a rock you know that last night was the annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on CBS.  I look forward to this show for various reasons, but mostly because (in the past), I love Heidi Klum.  Any chance I get to see my fake-life BFF is high on my to-do list.

Unfortunately for me, my power went out at about 9 pm last night, if not earlier.  We got about 5 inches of heavy, wet snow and the power was on and off all night.

Fortunately, the power must have come on for a couple of minutes so I had about 15 minutes of show on my DVR this morning.

So here's the thing.  I loved the VS Fashion show in it's heydey.  When it was known for over the top Tyra and Heidi and their big smiles and bigger... cup sizes.  When there were stories in magazines praising the VS girls' for their big smiles, big laughs, and big personalities on the runway.

What I saw in my 15 minutes of DVR surfing... wasn't that.

Granted, back in the day there was no high-def or screen shots.  I can only imagine how much more pressure is added because of today's technology.

However, when I turned on the TV all I saw were pout-mouths and concave tummies.  Victoria's big secret was all over ever single model:  padded bras!  A cup didn't runneth over no matter which way you turned!  And the lack of smiles.  Oy vey, have they not seen www.antiduckface.com?  It's like they're uneducated!

Not to mention, I'm pretty sure they blurred out Adriana Lima's ass-cheek in multiple shots.  (Not positive it was her, but there was definite blur used on someone.)  I mean, they couldn't find a single pair of underwear that covered her ass?  Or at least 1/2 of it?

And this is a total aside... but seriously, is there some magical camel-toe defender that all the models were wearing?  I mean... do they band-aid their hoo-has together to prevent accidental camel-ing?  I'm just curious.  Seriously, that WAS an impressive lack of camel.

So am I just being a crotchety old woman (no surprise there) or is has the VS Fashion Show lost some of its luster?  I mean, the show is absolutely better-produced than ever - every little detail is planned meticulously.  But to me, it's just lost some of its sparkle.  That magical little something.

Something that looks a lot like this:

And now that I have that picture on here... yeah, she does look a little scary-skinnier than I remember.  Maybe I should stick to remembering the highlights in my head.

Did anybody else tune in?  Thoughts?

Humiliation is a Dish Best Served Fresh

Sorry for the lack of posts lately... I've not been doing too well lately which has reduced me to tweeting out all the thoughts running through my brain. You're welcome, tweets.

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Yesterday was Sunday, which, for me, is a work day. I 'rise and shined' before 7 am to get ready for the day and was off to 9 am church before I started work at 10:30 am.

It was about 5 minutes into mass when I realized I was having a bit of an issue.

Wiggling and clenching and tugging ensued.

But no matter what I did, my underwear were driving me insane. Wiggle shimmy un-wedgie but in a nonchalant way so nobody knows I'm digging my underwear out of my crack.

Yeah, no dice.

So halfway through mass I decide that there is no way I can work all day on my feet like this - plus I had a bridal shower to attend after work.

So I swing by my neighborhood Target and grab the first $3 pair of undies I see (they are cute - pink with white polka dots!).

Shove them in my purse and off to work.

I get down to business and realize that it's almost time for my co-worker to stop by before the store opens - we had a few last minute bridal-shower details to discuss.

I run to grab my wallet and... oh, can you see where this is going?

Out come the lovely undies and I'm stammering with a way to explain that situation.

No, I swear I wasn't getting jiggy in the back office with my boyfriend (electronic or otherwise) and stashed my panties in my purse.

No, I swear I didn't poughkeepsie in my panties.

No, I swear I did not just go all 14-year-old-girl and start my period all over my girl pants.

So I had to flat out tell her I was having a wedgie situation and couldn't stand to be that uncomfortable all day.

Classy, especially since I'm her boss.

And then I proceeded to the bathroom where I tossed out a brand-new (minus 3 hours of wear) pair of Vickie's hipster panties in the trash.

And the kicker, it turns out, is that those panties I tossed are supremely awesome, as evidenced by the other new pair I pulled out of my drawer and put on this morning. (This style, if you must know.)

Turns out I just was wearing a pair 2 sizes too big yesterday.

Ooops.

Hey, what's life if you can't laugh at yourself.... right?

I mean, it's better than the alternative - being laughed at instead of being laughed with.

Happy Monday!

How Cheeky

I know I was supposed to write about fall and fashion today... but let's save that for next week, shall we?

Ok then.

Seriously, today I have a little rant for Victoria's Secret.

Dear Angels (if I can call you that),

I try to enjoy your company. After all, you employ one of my favorite people in the whole world (Heidi Klum). You continually come up with fun patterns and products, so I try to see the good.

However, we've got to talk.

I recently walked into one of your stores looking for underwear. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but I was looking for basic, boring cotton underwear for working out.

So I, being the experienced shopper I am, head for the stuff I want. You of course have some salesgirl trailing after me trying to explain the concept of a 5/$25 sale. I say thank you and other nice things but I can't shake this kid. No worries, she can trail along behind me.

Can you predict what happens next? They don't have 5 pairs of anything I remotely want in my size..... hmm, what to do?

So I tell the sales associate sorry but your store just doesn't have what I'm looking for.

Not wanting to lose a sale, she points me towards the PINK section. I explain that the Ultra Super Duper Low rise doesn't really work for my long torso-ed self, but she is waxing on about them.

And then she tries to tell me how awesome cheekies are. How comfortable, how awesome.

And my friends? Cheek-y underwear. Are not awesome. Especially when they come in 3 versions: cheeky, very cheeky, and ultra cheek-a-riffic.

The purpose of the cheeky, I believe, is to look like brief/hipster/boyshort type underwear while allowing your butt to hang out the bottom of them.

But, in my opinion, you know what they are? Thongs, with about 4 inches of extra fabric in the back.

Perfect for getting wedged up your @ss.

Which is exactly what I told the salesgirl as she stared at me with I think a mixture of fear and probably more fear.

So Victoria's Secret? Let's pretend like this whole "cheeky" thing never happened. K?

P.S. Are there cheeky underwear lovers out there? Am I missing something? Cause I'm not all that upset to be missing giant wedgies but if there is some other benefit... let me hear it!